Where am I...

Recently, I'm pondering upon what do I want and what's missing... Have suffered many episodes where I'm all enthusiastic to see my friends but when I'm 5 minutes to seeing them, I feel that there's been a mistake in agreeing to meet up. If I had the choice, if I could control it, I would not have wanted to show it in my expression, but it does. I don't want to spoil anyone's day but sometimes I wonder, how much am I wanted there, to fill in the gap?
*
Things are looking up at work and as much as there are sucky times, I'm really looking forward to this year, but everytime when things get sucky, I think about the application forms at home that I need to fill. Maybe it's the stress, maybe it's the tiredness, I find myself things to do on weekend to get my mind off work. Projects like that cost money and with the way I spend my ringgits, it's surely enever enough to go around.
*
I can't do this for too long cause then it will all seem monotonous and I hate that. should I put in my application by this month? or next?