What Dreams May Come...

I used to daydream a lot back in school days. Later, I started to joke about my wishes in life. About staying overseas, about meeting people from such and such part of the world, meeting guys from certain backgrounds - my kind of knight in shining armour, about living where I'm living, about taking trips here and there...
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It's fun to have wishes and dreams and imaginations, and it's nice to set the bar high because wishes should sometimes remain as wishes, and I thought I set the bar high enough. I thought I was good at it. Building castle in the sky and letting it remain that way.
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Little did I expect the castle to float it's way down to Earth. And I thought 'no, life can't be this simple. If all dreams and wishes come true, whats next?'
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True enough, the castle was not what it seems. Now its crumbling before my eyes and I'm watching it crumble little by little, breaking my heart into million tiny pieces.
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Now I wonder why couldn't my wishes remain as what they are. Why can't somethings be unreachable? Cause now I have less dreams. What happens when your knight in shining armour is not what you imagined him to be? But he had all the qualities you ever want and you know no same knight will stroll by your way again. Are you suppose to start building another castle with a different knight?
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What if you get traumatised so bad that you stop building any castles? Is life worth all the pains and triumph? Touch and go experiences are getting to me. I'm too sensitive for these type of experience.
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I still believe I'm made for better things in life. Whatever it is that's waiting for me in the future, I must say the road to achieving it is not a simple one. I just want to get out of this hole right now.

Me & couzs' cooking frenzy

Me and two of my cousins went mad one weekend, we took a drive to Bangsar and bought the ingredients for our cooking frenzy. It was raining, the traffic was horrible, a 2 hour task became 4.
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We went back to my house, our parents went off on their own for dinner - couldn't be bothered with us going mental and we ended up cooking linguine marinara, spaghetti carbonara, supreme chicken, tiramisu and cheese fondue.
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We surely had more fun laughing at each other cooking rather than eating. The dishes were either too salty or the chicken was too dry. You know how they say too many cooks spoil the broth.. That's us! Or maybe just me being bossy at the same time encouraging my soon-to-be-chef cousin cook.
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This was last year back in November... Good times...

Slowly killing myself inside...

That's what I'm doing now... Stupidity will kill me one day.

I feel like the weather.

I chose to start off my stay here in Autumn, and I'm enjoying it. When I'm on the street or walking through a park, I take the time to appreciate autumn. I like stepping on dried leaves, making the crushing sound as I step on them and just dragging my feet to hear the rustling sound, something I learnt from watching my manager walk. But I do really enjoy the changing colours of leaves and the trees going bare. A friend once told me that Autumn makes trees ugly because they become bare, and all you see are skeleton looking trees. This morning in the bus on the way to work, I look at the bare trees and thought about what he said and the very next thought that came to my mind was "I feel the same way as the trees. Bare and sad. Without you".
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Many times I don't like to be bothered by thoughts like that, but they sure come rolling down the hill when I'm alone. This reminds me why I like working. I like being occupied. Then I wouldn't think about things that upset me.
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I'm moving to a different house at the end of this month. Sharing a toilet between 6 person has taken its toll on me. I refuse to face the day when I'm force to pee in a bag or in a park solely because I couldn't control my system for 30 minutes while someone is taking a shower. One thing for sure, I will miss some of my housemates.
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I'm moving further from London and paying more for the room and transportation to work. Next month onwards my room and transportation will take up more than half of my monthly wage. I'm not quitting pub job anytime soon. I need it as extra pocket money. Especially when I plan to go to Sicily this December. Why am I going to an island in winter? Thing is, I really want to go back to Italy but wasn't sure where I should go. Then I figured best to be somewhere I've not been. So Palermo it is. Once I go for a holiday, I will be over it. I will come back to knowing what my priorities are and let the sad feelings past.
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You can come and go and come back again. But when you leave now, I will not let it hurt me.