Set is dying...

root@fawked.net sent 12/05/2009 15:04:

im dying dude

root@fawked.net sent 12/05/2009 15:04:

i got the flu

root@fawked.net sent 12/05/2009 15:04:

you gave me the fucking swine flu!!

Angeline holds happiness in her hands says:

you ate too much pork

root@fawked.net sent 12/05/2009 15:08:

im going to sleep dude

Angeline holds happiness in her hands says:

okay

Angeline holds happiness in her hands says:

so early

Angeline holds happiness in her hands says:

good night

root@fawked.net sent 12/05/2009 15:08:

imf ucking serious

root@fawked.net sent 12/05/2009 15:08:

im dying

root@fawked.net sent 12/05/2009 15:08:

i was peeing blood man

  Fawked.Net says:

im really sick

  Fawked.Net says:

i shat blood too

Angeline holds happiness in her hands says:

go see doctor la

  Fawked.Net says:

and peeing blood

  Fawked.Net says:

for some reason man

  Fawked.Net says:

and my cock head fell off

  Fawked.Net says:

i taped it with duct tape back

Angeline holds happiness in her hands says:

did u taste the blood?

Angeline holds happiness in her hands says:

see if its sweet or sour?

  Fawked.Net says:

erm

  Fawked.Net says:

you're trying to trick me

  Fawked.Net says:

it would either taste like pee or shit

  Fawked.Net says:

you tried to trick me@

  Fawked.Net says:

good one

Angeline holds happiness in her hands says:

but if its blood, it should taste like blood

  Fawked.Net says:

so whats with the sweet or sour

Angeline holds happiness in her hands says:

you ate fresh pork meat yesterday didnt u?

  Fawked.Net says:

blood isnt sweet or sour man

Angeline holds happiness in her hands says:

during your cannibal ritual?

  Fawked.Net says:

dude

  Fawked.Net says:

cannibals eat humans

  Fawked.Net says:

wtfffff

  Fawked.Net says:

are you high man

  Fawked.Net says:

im sick but i aint that sick!

  Fawked.Net says:

you cant trick me

Angeline holds happiness in her hands says:

anyone who eat raw meat to me are cannibals

  Fawked.Net says:

no man

  Fawked.Net says:

lol

  Fawked.Net says:

anyway

  Fawked.Net says:

im going off dude

  Fawked.Net says:

i feel really tired man

  Fawked.Net says:

gonite

Another year has past...

So I'm another year older now. 2 more years before I hit the big 3-0. Hate to go all emotional and start wondering what have I achieved so far, and to be honest, I think it was one of the most eventful year. 

• Never had I changed so many jobs (not a good thing but it was fun), 
• made so many good friends (other than Perugia), 
• explored and live in a whole new big city (what was I thinking?), 
• fell in love (I did struggle not to, but my willpower wasn't as strong as my emotions), 
  
• Watched Mamma Mia (I love the feel good feeling)
• I've cooked more often than ever (what a fantastic feeling)
• I'm going to Canada (a country I thought I would visit once I've done at least 35 other countries - I'm not even near 20 now)
• Crossed London Bridge more than a thousand times and it isn't falling down anytime soon
• Watched more footie than I've ever done in my entire life outside London
• Hate seeing ManU win when I never cared about them before
• Loving my life and my surroundings
• I actually care about where my tax money goes to

That time of the year...

It is then... now... where I feel like doing nothing. I feel like cancelling all near future plans, pack my bag, go to Gatwick tonight and fly to Italy on my own. Where I can stare at the sea, stare at the sky, take slow walks, feel people passing me by and just feel the space around me and breathe... Just breathe in deep... It makes such a difference..

*

Maybe it's PMS, but I sure feel like a hermit. I feel the want to just walk away. The want to drink and go to sleep merry. The want to just have a quiet night with talks. I want to run into somebody's arms and cry and cry and cry for no good reason at all. 

Jumping in front of trains

Some suiciders can be real assholes. Especially when they jump on a train line at peak hours and leave thousands stranded in trains, at the station and especially me now on the train with no water, no food and no toilet. I have been sitting here for nearly an hour in a standstill train in the middle of darkness and it's really really annoying.
*
Maybe it was a good thing that the train was not sandwich packed, but what if some of these people had an emergency to return to, what if some other have important matters to do tonight, and reality is some of these people have a long journey to do. My stop is the first stop but we're even stuck way before my station.
*
This is really annoying! That asshole will need lots of forgiveness to end up in heaven but I suppose that's not his/her concern at all.
*
Makes you wonder what makes a person jump. Those who purposely leap in front of trains, I wonder why they can't choose other better ways without disrupting the life of thousands who are leaving from london bridge and going towards south tonight.
*
Even when they die, they are selfish, what bastards.

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Happy Christmas

So yes if you don't already know, I'm back in London since Monday 8.30pm BST. Best time to come back to work as there were Christmas lunches and lotsa of wine. Very merry! It's great! Of course being my first year working on Christmas week, it was a good surprise to know that we only work half day on Christmas Eve. I was very merry last night, very merry now too and it's 20 minutes before I leave for Liverpool Street Station to meet Lee. Then at 8pm, I'll be aboard my coach for Cardiff to spend my Christmas with her. Boxing Day will see Lee appearing in Cardiff and Saturday we will be back for more drinking at home.

*

I think I came back at the right time although I'm broke beyond what I like to be.

*

Happy Christmas and happy holidays all!

Letting Go

It's hard. I believe in The Secret, so I try not to believe that I'm stuck here for a long time to come and going back to London isn't happening. I beat myself up everyday, I refuse to face the fact that I am here, and seeing pictures or reading about London is hard. Every emails I get from Gourmet Cuisine, HMV, IWOOT, Transport for London, National Express, Southern Train gets deleted immediately. I don't want to be reminded of the good, bad, best time in my life. It's the holiday season and I know tons will be happening - South Bank market, Somerset House, grocery shopping is more fun this time of the year, but I can't let them get to me. I cannot let myself be reminded of the fun, the happiness, the peace I found within me when I was there. It all depresses me right now.
*
Why do I feel that my luck has run out? For the first time in my life, they weighed my luggage at the airport 2 months ago. Silly I know but it happened.
*
So once again, everyone else have more faith in me returning to London than myself, and I am thankful that I have such good friends, but it breaks my heart to think that I will not see them again anytime soon. Isn't it common sense that once you find what you deem as a better lifestyle, you wouldn't want to go back to what you first ran away from? My sense of practicality teaches me a lot but it is also countered by the dreammie part of me.
*
In my opinion, if I wanted to be practical, I wouldn't have left. Twice at that in hope to chase dreams, and to be honest I succeeded in what I chose to do. Since I came home and the thought of not actually getting the next visa struck me and gave me that many 'panic attacks', I once mentally slapped myself and wondered if it's time to settle down and be practical.
*
Quickly, the answer was no. I remember one incident, back in college when a bunch of us was doing this PT job that was paying us quite good money and I was getting loads of freebies (this is what happens when you're friends with everyone), and when it was over, during a class, a classmate said this to me in front of a lecturer, "aren't you lucky to actually work much lesser and less hard than all of us and having the spare time to walk around and have fun". I smiled... because I felt guilty. I probably worked half the time compared to the whole bunch of them. Much to my amaze, my lecturer answered my classmate and said, "Angeline's not lucky, she's smart, maybe you should learn from her".
*
That got me. Hey, my lecturer was right! I didn't work hard, I worked smart and just being me, I had so much freebies that I had to turn some offers down. And come to think of it, from the 3 jobs I had in London, I was made an offer, and 2 of those jobs were temporary stints, heck I was even offered a job on my first day by one of the biggest company in the UK. Dude, it's no luck. It is me. I. Angeline. The power of being me. I am not just anybody. I am Angeline.
*
Some year ago, I thought I'm just going through phases. Having to do this and that just to be happy and when I have finally done what I wanted to do, I would come home, put my backpack away for good and settle. I keep having this feeling that I am running away from reality when I decide to leave, then I realise that I wasn't trying to run from reality, I was making reality. Reality is, I was doing what I want and what makes me happy, NOT what community, friends, family expect me to do. I have to live my own expectations and nobody else'.

Magical dream wedding

Alright, at 27 (now) I realise that friends are getting married one after another, it's like a one of those thing you do when you reach a certain age or point in a relationship, it's cool, I'd lift my glass to all of you and wish you eternal happiness. Then a friend in Italy told me she is getting married in 20 days and I saw a picture of her wedding favors and I thought "hey, i want to get married and be able to give out the candy almonds like italians!"

*

Yes, it was when Ale told me that she's getting married that I felt like I want to get married too! Hey, finally i had that bit of envy and feeling of wanting a wedding! Then of course the practical part of me would kick in between split second. Hey, I want sugar coated almonds for favors in a nice box, an outdoor reception and if there's money for dinner, it'll be in a nice hall or even outdoor. Think Mamma Mia the movie, think outdoor on a hill overlooking the Tuscan countryside, or Adriatic sea, think castle or a nice big house. Yes, that's how my wedding will be!

*

Also, believe it or not at this age, I still think I'm too young for a wedding, and thinking on the financial part of it for myself and for my guests, I have decided that I will be ready and prepared for a wedding in 8 - 10 years time from now.

*

What about marriage? No plans yet.